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Cuddles

by DOOMFOOT

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1.
Mothapuffin 03:24
2.
I get excited at the prospect of the digital camera that the girly in the rock club always carries around she takes the photos of the indie boys and the girls in their short skirts they turn their faces to the lens and they pull a beautiful smile but when she comes my way she (does what?) she simply walks right past me (no way!) it's like she doesn't see me it's like I'm invisible so at the very next couple (what do you do?) as she's lining up the shot I (do what) I wait for the very moment that the flash light goes that the flash light goes wagh that picture's going in my record of achievement! I took myself to the zoo with nothing much better to do I saw a grizzly bear try to chew a guy's head off and I was all like oh my god, snap I was musing on the meaning of life cruising on an existential plain (woo) when I saw a cute bunny rabbit chewing a leaf and I thought 'I have to get myself a photo of that' I was getting my tan on at the beach in the summertime I saw a topless woman and the shutter lens went click well, her husband wasn't happy he came storming right over I've still got the bruises you can see them all online, wow that picture's going in my record of achievement!
3.
IMPOSTERS 03:15
the people in the air look good the people in the air look sexified oh! do you hear me? oh! the people on the left have style the people on the left are going wild oh! with excitement, oh! the people on the right are spies the people on the right are living a lie oh! fake moustaches, oh! na na na na na na na na naa na na na na na na na imposters they're on the walls, get down they're on the walls, get out of town oh! everybody, oh! creeping inbetween the lines they're gonna get you and all your kind oh! you'll never stop them, oh! imposters, they're imposters we can't escape their lies oh na na na na na na na na naa na na na na na na na imposters
4.
your guitar looks like a fanny and your fanny looks like a guitar the world is a bit of a messed up place but fuck me that's bizarre I don't know if you remember the days when we used to laugh but those days are long since over and I'm never gonna touch your faff I won't touch it well let me tell ya things go really wronga when I try to do the conga my grace has many faults when it comes to do a waltz sometimes I fall over when I do the bossa nova but the fox trot is a wonderful wonderful dance I drop my pants
5.
M1ghty Tr33 02:25
PART ONE: I don't know about you but I'm losing control I'm coming loose at the seams we gotta make our getaway thataway this town is filling up up up so I can't breathe we're just a weakjawed domebrained talkative twolegged species out to get what we can if I had a hundred thousand pounds for every time I heard someone say that I'd be a very rich man we write songs you gotta dance like a twat to isn't it isn't it isn't it isn't it good? the next person I take a cricket bat to is it gonna be you? is it gonna be you? you're a squirrel and I'm a triceratops lalalalalalalalalalala it's not often you get the chance to see something quite like that! aaaaah PART TWO: I hate you and your personality it's like falling out of a tree no, not a chestnut, an oak or an ash a fern or a sycamore, a willow with panache nay, not an olive wood, an apple or an orange or a lemon or a maple I like blancmange my tree would be a mighty tree like a giant American redwood (they are really good)
6.
you+me=failure we'll never make this work we've tried and we've tried so very hard but we always end up burnt you+me=nothing we just can't make it last I bet by now we'd have killed each other if it wasn't for this simple maths and that's: basslines+drumbeats=success and so we fly into the night together arm in arm, the moonlight reflected in our eyes together looking down on a world so full of misery and pain and so we look at one another and in that moment we know exactly what to do and as one, we cast our spell of basslines and drumbeats and suddenly success
7.
Cuddles 02:46
well, last night was fun but I felt something was lacking after all of the smooches and the gentle bottom patting I know this might sound forward when we've never shared a bed but I got this crazy notion; it won't leave my head I want a reacharound off you you can call the police if that's the price I have to pay cos I just want you to hold me in that extra special way in fact, if you don't mind, I'd like to reacharound you too we can reacharound each other all day long except to poo and when the day is over we can fondle through the night I guess I sound deluded but it just seems right I want a reacharound off you
8.
We Race Cars 03:42
the year is 1991 sit down buckle up we're going on a ride do you think you can handle the speeds we'll be doing? okay? let's drive I'm gonna take you to the year 8000 and show you how it all works what's this, we're just in Ancient Egypt my bad, I accidentally reversed look at that it's the world exploding oh dear we came a little too far what the frig, this is getting boring okay, okay, we're nearly there we race cars through time driving into the future is that a crime? we race cars because we must have control of the universe don't make a fuss we pull up outside the very best club in town checking out the hot ladies of this era and we hit the floor and mosey on down but our moves are outdated and most inferior and everybody's wearing bowler hats everybody's reading science fiction and everybody's wearing leather chaps everybody's feeling the constriction and playing on their analogue synthesisers we race cars through time driving into the future is that a crime? we race cars because we must have control of the universe don't make a fuss
9.
don't reject my numerous advances, gareth you don't have to pay the ticket if you want an easy ride and don't pretend you're not impressed by my sexual powers you could be such a force to be reckoned with by my side and don't forget hell is what you make of it alright, yeah, ahuh, yep there's something else that I feel that I should tell you there's an undercurrent stirring, a feeling of unrest and we don't wanna let the man push us down, boy antidisestablishmentarianism is the best imagine, if you will, a world with no more structure you and me, baby, we were born to rock the boat and if we don't get it on soon my crotch is gonna rupture you gotta take your chances and grab life by the throat just like I said, hell is what you make of it oh yes, indeed, wow, gareth?

credits

released December 6, 2010

Written*, recorded and performed by Stuart Smythe

*except for title track 'Cuddles' co-written with Gareth Hogg

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DOOMFOOT UK

Once upon a time Stuart 'The Rage' Smithers had a dream. That dream was to become a cyborg; transplant his organic brain into a metal bionic body, fly into space and take over the galaxy. Unfortunately he didn't have any scientific knowledge or the necessary funding, so instead he started a 'comedy band side project' in the vague hope that someday people might actually pay money for his music. ... more

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